I’ve tried to write this a number of times over the past year and have failed each time.  Sometimes a “thank you” is quiet and easy, this one is not either of those things.  This “thank you” is one I’ve thought about screaming from some rooftop, from the peak of a mountain or from the back-end of a mega phone.  This “thank you” is one whose depth I wanted to reach far and well outside of myself.  It is organic, sincere and humble.

One year ago, today, January 29^th, 2014, I lost everything I owned in a house fire.  Details as to the start of this fire are still unknown and thus it remains.  Closure, considering these circumstances, has been hard to come by.  I’m not sure if you’ve ever loved a home, felt its presence as total sanctuary, but that’s what this sweet house was to me and I miss it ever single day.  I miss the smell.  The hardwood floors.  I miss the warmth and the presence of something so secure and special.  I miss my collection of antiques and my photos, my journals, my collection of hundreds of books.  These are all just “things” and I am conscious enough to understand that the love of trivial things is not what matters most in life.  But then again, you cannot truly understand this...until…you do not have these precious things.

In the months, that followed, however, I learned what sincere gratitude and giving is.  Many of us think we know the ins and outs of these two things but to lose everything teaches us the enormity of these gifts. 

But I digress.  This letter is not intended as a means by which I choose to share my story.  This letter is one I should have written long ago but could not.

It’s time now.

There are the obvious heroes in this journey: Auburn Police Department who arrived at the fire, first.  I am ashamed to tell you that I do not know his name, but one officer, held me in his arms, carrying me from the fire when I met him at the front the house (I was out of the house by the time they arrived, unharmed).  To that officer, thank you for your kindness.  Thank you for the shelter of arms in that moment- you cannot know what that means to me, today, a year later. 

To Auburn Fire Department, thank you for your work.  For the bravery you own in this crazy job of yours.  “Thank you” isn’t nearly enough.  The words are not big enough.  I stand ashamed by my inability to thank you in a way that you truly deserve, other than, very publically, thanking you for a service which renders you heroes in the eyes of so many.  I love every.single.one.you.  Truly.

To my employer, ClearCapital,Inc., I am not even sure where to begin.  Your outpouring of support, offers of shelter, clothes, home supplies, shoes, boots, yoga gear and warmth re-affirmed my faith.  I cannot express, in words, the bigness of your support.  You have literally transformed my life, now, a year later.  You may not know it, but it was the collective offering of financial support that allowed me to put down first and last month’s rent for my new sweet home.  You furnished my home, my kitchen and filled a new closet with more clothes than I’ve ever owned in my lifetime.  You helped warm this space with treasures shared and the books…so many books.  You have re-built my library and if you know me, you know that this means the world to me.  YOU have rebuilt my life, you guys- and I mean that.  Thank you.

To the cities of San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Truckee, Tahoe, Reno, Auburn, and home: Half Moon Bay, wow.  I grew up in a small town on the Coast and I was raised with the powerful notion that collective unity creates a sense of community.  And you took that concept to a new level.  Boxes and boxes and boxes of clothes, tools, swim wear, jackets arrived well in to May of 2014.  A constant show of support and a reminder of the specialness of this area helped pull me up by the bootstraps and start again.  Perhaps the greatest gifts were your letters.  There was no sorrow, no pity but a firm and solid reminder of the support you offered, the reminder of the strength in Home.  Thank you for your kindness and for your faith in my ability to rise up and face a challenge with a group, and never alone.  You all are a solid and true breed of support.

To my nearest and dearest, thank you for allowing me the space to grieve, for the show of support on the hardest of days and for proving that in this life, we are never alone.  You are my foundation.  Thank you for being my cheerleaders, I love you to the Moon and back.

In an effort to pay it forward, I have a plan.  Over the course of the next year, I will be collecting as many clothes as possible and intend to donate those pieces of clothing to one family, organization or individual in need, each month beginning in February, along with a hand-written note to whomever the package is delivered.  This is not a Yew Year’s Resolution.  This is something I just need to do.  If you would like to donate clothing, want to participate or just have some thoughts on how to orchestrate this process seamlessly, please private message me if you’re a friend on Facebook or email me at: miller.belle1@gmail.com.  As I will be using my own funds to ship packages, each month, if you know me well and trust me with your cash and want to donate some cash for shipping assistance, I will welcome that also. 

If you know of folks who could benefit from these gifts, please contact me so we can chat.  A reminder of these collections will be posted Day 1 of every month, on my FB page with packages sent on the last week of each month.  If this means renting storage space, then so be it.

Thank you for the immensity of your kindness over the past year.  I am excited to continue on my journey and could not have done this without you.

With love and warmth,

Brett